Deep
by brokenvoice
Summary: Ashley,Spencer,and Adien all meet at Heaven Springs. A place where those go who have tried the ultimate escapesuicide. To find out their stories and what happens read.
1. Heaven Springs

Hey broken voice here, well I'm currently writing a story called deep and I've decide to make it into a south of nowhere story just to see what people say. So yea I hope you like it sorry for all the grammar errors I seriously can't spell and I don't have a good Word Pad. So once again I hope you like it.

Disclaimer-yea duh I don't own south of nowhere

* * *

**Chapter 1: Heaven Springs**

_**They don't know **_

_**Who:**_

_**you really are **_

_**on the inside.**_

_**Buried underneath**_

_**Everything and Everyone**_

_**Where:**_

_**your mind is. Always**_

_**wondering why? Waiting**_

_**for all the answers **_

_**from them all.**_

_**How:**_

_**you see this world**_

_**it's cruel ways,**_

_**the pain no one **_

_**else feels.**_

_**What:**_

_**secrets you hid.**_

_**things in your **_

_**past you never dare**_

_**tell a single soul.**_

_**Why :**_

_**You always cut so**_

_**DEEP.**_

* * *

**Ashley:**

_Waking_

Up, alone

The sun shining threw the only window in the room. Plan white walls all around, you'd think that this is one of those hospital room, not some place for kids who try the ultimate escape-Suicide.

Yea Heaven Springs it's called. One of hell of a boring place if you ask me. Oh! Yea my name is Ashley Davies. I'm a patent here. Stupid people think they can save me. Think they know how I feel, ha! Please no-one can save me, cause I can't even save myself. I

wouldn't even be here if I did it right. Stupid blade. Just had to break. Mom found me, siting against the wall, blood everywhere, music playing through my headphones. Funny thing is, she didn't even scream.

_Time_

To eat. God this food always taste like shit. They're trying to help us and they don't even give us good food? Bunch of bullshit. To bad mom isn't here. She always made good tacos. Food always means pills. I hate taking these things, makes me sick.

"They'll be good for you Ashley. Help you fight." Dr. Wilson says. HA! Fight what? Myself? My mind? Or the need to fell the blade cold against my skin?

Breakfast is over. Time for therapy with doc. " Today I want you to tell me about your mom, Ashley. What was she like?" Ha ha what was she like? I'll tell you all in one word.

**Bitch.**

* * *

**Aiden**

_Welcome_

" To Heaven Springs." Wow what a wonderful sign. Makes this place seem more jolly then it really is. I HATE this place already. Full of stupid people who think they can help me. People have already tried. And they didn't succeed.

They tried, yea okay, then they died. Oh well dad said the people here will "fix" me good. Please he's the one that needs fixing.

Wow, more kids here than I thought. Really bare place. It's so...WHITE. Damn this is gonna be hell. At least it's not home. Home... come to think of it that place was never home. Bee bottles, nasty smell, and him. Worse than the devil. I call him...DAD.

They took me too my room. Told me all the rules: In bed by 9:PM up at 7:AM, pills with every meal. And then me about the therapy sessions. Say I need to talk about my problems, my past, my reasons.

_Dr. Wilson_

Nice man, it seems. Everyone calls him Doc. Guess he's the therapy guy. I have to wait till tomorrow, then I get my first session. Wow, can't wait. Bet this guy is just a fake. Like everyone else here. They all just feel sorry for us. "Poor kids, they say, how sad." You really have no idea how sad it really is.

Lunch time. Mm yummy! Right better than the food I used to get. Whatever, time to take the pills too. Great just what I need.

This cafeteria is huge! Lots of money goes to this place. Oh wow. Boys on one side girls on another. How cute.(gag) I take a seat nest to this freaky dud. Wait they're all freaky. Scan the room and look at all the faces I will be seeing for awhile. One girl catches my eye.

Brown curly hair, good length, beautiful eyes, gorgeous face. Hmm I wonder why such a beautiful thing is in a broken place like this...

* * *

**Spencer**

_Damn_

I almost made it. Stupid Tony. I told him countless times never to come in my room. He never listened. Oh well, once I get out of here, I'll do it again and next time I won't fail.

Heaven Springs. Nice name, hides how fake this place is. Wow so pale. Reminds me of Tony when he saw me. Poor kid. I never wanted him to find me. I wanted her too. That BITCH! Person I call mom. some mom she is. Never even said I love you, never even cared, hell never he said anything.

I wonder about Sally. I miss her. Never told her goodbye. Sometimes I wish It was me who got hit that night. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad now.

_Sad_

Is what this place is. So full of unwanted people. Makes me feel right at home. Funny. Boring I must say this is gonna be. Walking down the hall, feeling even more down. I smell food. Take a glance in the cafeteria, while Paul, my nurse I guess( ha ha and he's a dude) talks to some chick.

Glance around everything is so BARE.

Damn no-one's here. And the foods all gone. Better get back before I get into trouble. Wow, Brown curly hair, good length, beautiful eyes, gorgeous face. "Hi." she says " Hi yourself." she smiles, god isn't that the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen! "Name's Spencer just got here, tried to hang myself, didn't work, you?"

She looks at me closely before saying, "Name's Ashley. Been here five days..." She pauses and for a second I could swear I saw I flash of pain in her eyes, but they go back and she speaks again, " Used a blade, tried to bleed to death...my mom found me."

As I listen to her I can't help realize how beautiful this person is but yet so...

_**Broken.**_

* * *

**Well there we go! Chapter one done!**

**Should I keep going or stop? Please let me know**

**-brokenvoice**


	2. Closer

hey peoples! Well thanks for everyone who review and who likes the story! Makes me want to write more and more and more...okay so anyways, here's chapter 3 and I hope you all keep reviewing and I'll keep writing!!

Disclaimer- yea yea I don't own south of nowhere, but I do own this chocolate pudding that I'm eating! Ha! Losers

**bold- the past/ song**

_Italics-cause i like doing that _

* * *

**Ashley**

_Daddy_

I always think about you. Do you think about me? I want to know why you left me. She hates me, never wanted me to come back. Blames me I know she does. I hated him, HATED him! She loved him. She still does, it's the easiest thing in the world to see. I wanted to make her see that he was no good for he, but she didn't listen, she never listened.

Now he's gone. She's alone with their baby, Chase. That's his name. My brother's name. It's sad really, how she only loves him because he's a spitting image of his father. Maybe that's why she hates me, cause I'm a spitting image of mine.

That day I tried to end my life, when she found me against the wall, sitting on the floor, she didn't scream, didn't cry, didn't show any kinds of emotion towards her only daughter dying! Yeah okay everyone knows that, cause that's what I tell everyone, but what they don't know, what no-one knows, is what she said, What she said that made it hurt even more.

"**Ashley, why must you do this now? I'm cooking dinner. Such a worthless child, just like her father."**

Guess that's what you get when your mom doesn't care for your existence, huh?

_I am hungry_

Good thing it's breakfast time. I need some food. And maybe the pills will make me forget. (Put that never works does it?) Damn here goes Justin again,

"Hey Justin shut the fuck up, you don't know anything." god damn I don't need this now " You shut the fuck up Kayla, you know I'm right," Don't Kayla, god damn it can't I get a break?!?...

Don't Kayla. He's not worth it. Fucking bastard think he knows everything." Oh so now people pay attention to me, wonderful..

"You know what Ashley!?! You mind your own fucking business! You fucking bitch! We all know your going to end up just like your fucking MOM!!"

Justin screamed, everyone gasped, I snapped. Right hook.

**CRASH!**

Justin goes to the floor like a ton of bricks. Damn pain shoots through my hand, just great, fucking guys, I hate them!!! now I see why I'm gay!

"Don't you ever say that! Ever!." I scream, and I can feel the tension in the room, and it's overwhelming I can't take it. So I just walk away, and as I'm walking Faintly I hear Kayla say,

"You hit her hard, Justin. Her heart's already broken". Great, footsteps coming my way. Oh well, I know who it is. Shit my hand is broken now. Ha ha matches my heart.

* * *

**Aiden**

_A fight_

Between Ashley and Justin. I heard from some guy, Zach, he told me. Said Ashley just snapped, broke her hand by breaking Justin's jaw. Over hear two people talking, about the fight, figures. Nosy ass people, get a fucking life. Oh wait I forgot, no-one here has a life anymore.

"Now her hand is just like her heart. Poor Ashley. No-one has gotten through to her."

I wonder...maybe I can change that.

_Walk down_

The hall to the place where the food is served. OUCH! People, just never watch where they're going.

"Sorry about that. Didn't see you." Oh wow I look up and I see a pretty girl in front of me. Damn how many beautiful girls are in this place? Damn this one has blue eyes, blond hair, and is just stunning.

"It's okay. My name's Aiden. What's yours.?" Smile dude you can win this one.

"The name is Spencer. You new here Aiden?" "Yeah just got here. I'm already sick of this place."

"Really? Me too, but it feels more like home then home ever did." Damn this girl is a wonder.

"Yea way better than my home, even though it was never home. So I know what you mean."

Damn beautiful smile. " Well I gotta go now, but I'll be seeing you around Aiden."

She walks away and I can't help but want to know her secrets.

_Wanting_

To go outside and smell the fresh air. It's been, I don't know, about a week and they say I've done good. Ha! If they only knew. Today's my day to have sessions with Doc. Great time for the talky shit, just what I need. Oh well maybe it will be good to get some things off my chest.

"So Aiden. Tell my about your mom, please?." Damn I was hoping it would start out east, like share you favorite memory as a kid, or when did you start liking girls, something like that, but no. Damn this really isn't going to be easy...

"My mom. She was beautiful. Black hair, green eyes, one hell of a smile. She loved me for me. She was my main inspiration for my passion." Okay now I know that sounds kinda wrong, but it's not. Believe me. Now he's gonna ask watch... "What passion Aiden?" ha ha see I told you.

"I loved to draw. Anything. Mostly nature. River's, trees, grass, clouds, sky's. Anything and everything. She loved when I drew pictures, She loved everything I drew. She loved me. I know I've said that countless times now, but I can't help it. It's nice to remember a person who loved you and took care of you. She was my hero, my everything. I would give anything for my mom. Well would have gave anything... Now it's to late to give anything. I loved her, but I realized something."

Pause, take a deep breath. All this talking isn't easy on my lungs, I gotta have air ya know?

Oh shit Doc's talking now... " What did you realize Aiden?" Okay here we go.

"Love doesn't last."

* * *

**Spencer**

_Secrets_

We all got them. Hidden inside our minds from everyone, everything, even yourself. You always want to help other people, the ones that seem more broken than you. Cause when you help them it gives you a feeling like your invincible, that you can overcome anything. And the first thing you want to overcome are your secrets.

Secrets make us who we are, who we have been, and who we are going to be. Without secrets, they only question is who are we?

Well back to the whole thing about helping someone more broken then you. I found someone and I want to help her so bad. Help her face her demons, face her fears, face herself.

Justin, is one messed up kid. (Ha ha no pun I swear..wait was that even a pun???) Yet he looked really sorry after he said that. Kid looked down right scared shit less, I don't blame him. Hell I was scared and Ashley wasn't even yelling at me..

Now I know never to get on beautifully brokens bad side...hey beautifully broken nice fit. Reminds me so much of Sally, the only difference is Ashley's here and Sally isn't.

And she's never going to be again.

_Wondering_

How Ashley's doing. She's been gone for a while now, And so has that Kayla chick. WWW

that was so not the kind of picture I wanted to make in my head...o ew ew ew!

Wait, I hear... Music? Coming from where though? Okay never seen this hallway before, the music seems to be getting louder better go check it out. See a door at the end of the hall, halfway open. Walk in and see Ashley sitting on a ...couch? Wow nice touch, oh look it's a blue couch! Blue is my favorite color, it's so pretty and yea I'm totally just blabbing right now. Ha ha sorry I do that a lot.

Wow she's singing and her voice is amazing. Can't help but get lost in it...

**Let's just stop,  
Drop everything,  
(forget each others names) forget each others names,  
And just walk away. **

**Turn around and head in different directions,  
Like we never, it's like we never knew each other at all.  
We said what we feel, then we stop ourselves,  
And just walk away.  
Never looking back,  
Loving every second of it,  
We just walk away.**

**This is probably the best,  
Not to mention the worst idea,  
That I have ever had.**

**Ignoring what we've loved,  
Overlooking what we've done,  
No awkward silences, no hiding any truths  
What do you say?**

**We say what we feel,  
Then we stop ourselves,  
And just walk away.  
Never looking back,  
Loving every second of it,  
We just walk away.**

**Let's just stop,  
Drop everything,  
Forget each others names,  
Can we please just walk away?  
It could be... could be...  
Like we never knew each other at all.**

**Answer me!  
All egos aside, what do you say?**

"So do you usually watch people?" Oh shit!! Damn give me a heart attack why don't you.

Well at least she doesn't seem angry. She's smiling, damn that smile is gorgeous. "No, but when I hear music I'm drawn. Besides I got to listen to an amazing voice from a beautiful girl." Yes! Oh yea I am so smooth. And look at that her smile is huge now! Oh yes! " ha ha smooth." ha ha okay I can't help but laugh at that one. "Thanks. So music's your passion huh?"

Walk over to the couch and take a seat besides her. "Yea my gift. My dad gave it to me."

"Oh I see. So you gonna go live with him when you get out of this place?" Look into her eyes and see pain. Just filled with so much pain, I'm hurt. Fucking wrong question to ask. Ahh why am I so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I can hear her take a deep breath before she answers, and when she does my heart breaks even more for this girl...

"He's dead..."

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Muhahahahahahaha! I love ending like that. I am so super evil!! And I have no more pudding, damn. Okay anyways there's chapter 3!! Yea I didn't like it that much, but I have to say I loved Spencer's. oh and the song was "Baby you wouldn't last a minute on the creek" by CHIODOS!!! fucking love them.

Well I hope you all liked it and please tell me if you did.

-Brokenvoice


	3. Past

hello! Well I barley got any reviews last time, but that's okay cause I know it was only the first chapter. Well thanks to those two who did review

**rockOrules**

**Live-Life-Love-Learn**

You two make me want to continue with the story. Well anyways here's the second chapter I hope you like it!

**Bold-names, flashbacks**

_Italics-just something I like doing_

_**Bold and Italics- poems and songs, you'll understand once you read**_

Disclaimer- yeah I don't own south of nowhere, but boy if I did...

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**Chapter 2**

_**Past**_

**Ashley**

_My mother_

wasn't there for me. No, all she cared about was him. When he got mad at her, she took it out on me. So... I answered the call to the blade. Or maybe I made the call just to find a way to get away from it all. Either way she wasn't meant to be a mother.

Wasn't meant to be with someone, anyone. Wasn't meant to love me.

I was done with this talk. No more, I'm tired of thinking about her. Makes me feel so sick so empty. It's sad when you really think about it, a mother making her kid feel empty. Life really isn't what you expect.

"Your going to have to face them someday Ashley." Doc said. "Face what?" I asked curious as to what he's talking about. Doc puts his glasses on the table, turns around in his chair to stare out the window and says, "Your memories."

Therapy sessions are over for today. Thank God! I need food, too bad that means pills too. Ha ha it's fun I'm not addicted to pills now, since I take so many every fucking day. Grab my food,

(and the stupid pills, you know what I'm going to stop saying that cause you already know what comes with the food.)

Take a seat next to Lizzy. Great girl, just damn crazy. Damn I hate that feeling when you feel like someone is staring at you.. Yea I got that feeling right now.

Must be one of the new kids, everyone else around here is to busy with their own lives to pay attention to anyone else. Oh let's see... oh shit it's a boy. Hmm I have to say he's cute, but so not my type. Oh well better tell him my friends don't always stick around.

_Walking_

To the bathroom. Gotta pee ya know? Damn looks like Paul and Crystal are gonna get it on, ha ha finally. He's been after her for weeks. Now he's got someone his own age. Maybe Ben will give me some dessert. He's a great guy, ever since I got here he's been looking out for me. At least I have someone who cares now. Oh who do we have here... "Hi."

"Hi yourself." She says back.. I smile, damn this girl is already got me smiling, oh shit she's talking..

"Names Spencer, just got here. Tried to hang myself, didn't work. You?"

"Names Ashley, been here five days now..." Damn wait why am I feeling this way? It's like I want to tell her everything right away. This is so new... " Used a blade, tried to bleed to death.. My mom found me." She looks at me in a sad sort of way and I can't help but stare at her eyes. Her gorgeous eyes, blue.

She keeps staring at me, I wonder if I have anything on my face. Oh that would be so embarrassing...

"Ashley!." Damn that's my cue. " Gotta go now, Spencer. She you around." Walk away before she could say anything else. I know she's going to ask, they all ask. Why I look so broken. I wanna tell them, wanna tell her, but it's just to hard to say, hard to think, hard to believe.

* * *

**Aiden**

_Shower time_

Sounds so fun you think? No, they give us 20 minutes tops. Really messed up, but oh well that water feels so fucking good. Makes me remember...

"Damn it Aiden you can't back down now! You're part of the gang now so stop giving us shit!"

"I can't do it, Mike. I can't. I love my girl. She's all I really got."

**BAM!** " Your going to do it, Aiden, and your going to do it now."

NO! Damn just a dream. Shit! 19 minutes wasted. Great, so much for getting clean.

Walk back in line with the rest of the guys, so we can all go to our rooms. Finally, I need some piece and quiet. Whoa, there she is again. Have to say something..."Hey beautiful." Oh nice. Looks over my way, ouch, flips me the good ole' finger.

Damn so much for first impressions.

_Dreams_

Never mean anything to me. They're all fake hopes, that never come true. Nightmares, those are the things that are real. I hate them even more than dreams. Memories is what my nightmares are. Don't sleep, don't dream, don't re-live, no pain.

Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about Jessica. Where is she now? What is she doing? Does she think of me? These questions I will always think about...the questions always make me remember, no matter how hard I try to forget...

" I wrote you a poem, baby."

"Oh Aiden, I'm so in love with you. Let me hear it, please?" she smiles

"Later love, now isn't the best time."

She sighs, so I pull her close. Wait till I hear the steady, deep breathing then whisper in her ear.

" _**You and me, will forever be**_

_**You're in my heart for all eternity**_

_**My dreams only consist of you**_

_**You are my everything**_

_**Baby there's so much we can do**_

_**As long as I'm with you**_

_**The pain will never come**_

_**Oh no I'm not done**_

_**I think about you everyday**_

_**Gorgeous and all I have to say**_

_**Is that I love you no matter what we do**_

_**You can stay by my side**_

_**And I'll stay by yours too"**_

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Just let the tears fall cause right now I don't care.

No ones around to see me. This is all for you Jessica baby, please be thinking of me.

* * *

**Spencer**

_Sally_

I miss you so much. Remember that time when I sang you that song? You smiles so much, then when I said this will always be our song you started crying...

"Oh baby don't cry. I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around you. " No Spencer, I'm not sad. I'm happy. I love you so much I never want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either babe. To the world you may be one person, but to me you're my world."

God damn I knew I was going to start crying. Tears are my one weakness. How I would love to fill the empty whole in my heart. As I lay here in my bed staring at the wall, I can't help but to grab the necklace around my neck.

The only thing I have left of you. Engraved, I got it for your birthday. You were so surprised, it was priceless...

**We went to that fancy restaurant downtown. You were so excited cause earlier I told you I got you something really special for your birthday.**

"**Oh Spencer can I have it now? Please please please?!?!"**

**Ha ha I started laughing, you were so cute when you did that. **

"**No babe, it's a surprise and you'll get it later."**

**Aw I love your puppy dog pout it's so cute. Ha ha I just grabbed your hand and took us to our seats. **

**We ate, talked a little, laughed joked just like always.**

**Then when our song came on I knew it was my cue. I stood up went behind you and **

**told you to close your eyes...**"**Babe why do I have to close my eyes?"**

"**Ha ha just do it, please?"**

**You sigh and close your eyes like I asked.**

**I took our the necklace in my pocket and put it around your neck. **

**I told you to open your eyes and in a split second you had tears.**

"**Aw baby it's gorgeous."**

"**Open it babe and see what's inside"**

**You did and you started crying even more.**

**I knew right then and there that you were mine forever...**

I wipe the tears as I open the locket. I trace my fingers over our picture and the engraved words.

_Sally-My heart, My love, Mine Forever_

Why did forever have to end so soon?

_Early _

In the morning. It's breakfast time. Damn no sleep again. I knew I wouldn't get any, but I always have to try. Damn it's so fucking loud in here.

"Hey Justin shut the fuck up, you don't know anything." damn what's this all about? " You shut the fuck up Kayla, you know I'm right," Kayla , right that's her name, was about to take a swing at Justin when..

"Don't Kayla. He's not worth it. Fucking bastard think he knows everything." Wow Ashley have some attitude.

"You know what Ashley!?! You mind your own fucking business! You fucking bitch! We all know your going to end up just like your fucking MOM!!"

Justin screamed, everyone, and I mean _**everyone,**_ gasped.

**CRASH**!

Justin goes to the floor like a ton of bricks. Damn he's got a busted lip and he looks so fucking scared right now it's funny as hell. I would be laughing but I'm scared right now too.

"Don't you ever say that! Ever!." Ashley screams, no one dares to breath, as she walks away so fast I swear I didn't even blink. "You hit her hard Justin, Her heart's already broken, what's left now?" Kayla says.

Then she turns and goes after I'm thinking is...Holy Shit.

* * *

**Well there we go! Chapter two is done! Ay I have to say I'm proud of myself. Well the poem I wrote. Once again if there was any spelling errors I'm sorry, I really cant spell.**

**Anyways I hope you guys liked chapter two and please please please please please please review and tell me what you think.**

**-Brokenvoice**


	4. Feelings?

Hello people! Well here's the next chapter in my totally awesome story! Ha ha yea well I like to think that and that's what a lot of you are saying on the reviews. Thank you guys so much! Makes me proud of myself. Well I hope you enjoy chapter 4! Remember to review and tell me if you did!

Disclaimer: yea we all know I don't own South of Nowhere, get over it.

_Italics- Cause it looks cool_

**Bold- Names, the past**

_**Both and Italic- Songs/poems**_

Enjoy

**Ashley**

_My Secret Room_

Bell showed it to me, Third day here. We got close quick. Let's just say she's like a mom to me, of course more of a mom then my real mom. It's sad when you think about it, how some kids call other people their mom cause they're ashamed of their real mom or cause their real mom is ashamed of them.

Anyways I love siting here playing music. My love. The only thing I got left. Beautiful music. Songs that have so deep meanings. All I have to do is tune the guitar perfectly and play...

_**Let's just stop,  
Drop everything,  
(forget each others names) forget each others names,  
And just walk away. **_

_**Turn around and head in different directions,  
Like we never, it's like we never knew each other at all.  
We said what we feel, then we stop ourselves,  
And just walk away.  
Never looking back,  
Loving every second of it,  
We just walk away.**_

_**This is probably the best,  
Not to mention the worst idea,  
That I have ever had.**_

_**Ignoring what we've loved,  
Overlooking what we've done,  
No awkward silences, no hiding any truths  
What do you say?**_

_**We say what we feel,  
Then we stop ourselves,  
And just walk away.  
Never looking back,Loving every second of it,  
We just walk away.**_

_**Let's just stop,  
Drop everything,  
Forget each others names,  
Can we please just walk away?  
It could be... could be...  
Like we never knew each other at all.**_

_**Answer me!All egos aside, what do you say?**_

Just play till the last chord. Let the music pass through my soul. Hmm...

"So do you usually watch people?" Not that I mind. "No, but when I hear music I'm drawn, Besides I got to listen to an amazing voice from a beautiful girl." Ohh smooth, I like this chick. "Ha ha smooth." Lovely Laugh. "Yeah so music's your passion huh?" She moves closer, takes a seat next to me. " Yea my gift. My dad got me into it." She smiles. Gorgeous. "I are you going to live with him when you get our of this place?"

Damn. Fuck...don't cry Ashley, Don't...Deep breath now...go ahead you can do it..."He's Dead."

_I can see it_

In her eyes. That sorry feeling you get when people tell you the saddest things. "Oh I'm so sorry. Don't worry it will get better." That's what they all say. That's what everyone says. They always say that and then they think there some kind of god for making someone feel better, well what do they think when they don't make someone feel better?

Now before I could stop Spencer from saying anything she asks, "So you loved him a lot huh?" Okay this girl is full of surprises cause that was so not what I was expecting her to say. "Yeah he was my hero. My Teacher. My everything. It hurts every time I think of him or look at the only picture I have of him...

Have you ever lost anyone?Wow... I'd never thought I'd see so much pain in someone's eyes besides my own. "Spencer?" She blinks and smiles likes she's back to normal, but what she doesn't know is that I can still see the pain that's hiding in those beautiful eyes of hers. "Have you ever lost anyone?" She sighs...maybe I shouldn't have asked..." yeah. I've lost someone before." Silence...

"Who?" She looks at me and gives me the most _beautiful broken _smile before looking out the window and saying, " I lost the most important person to me. She was my everything just like your dad was.. I loved her so much... But I found at the love can't over come...Death."

**Aiden**

_Doc_

Seems surprised by what I said. "Why do you believe that Aiden?" He asks, I sigh, " Cause it's true."

Can't believe I've been here for this long. Damn where'd my life go? I hate thinking like this. Makes me look back, into the past. I hate it so much, I hate my past. I hate everyone in it... but it's not right. how can you hate the people you love?

Times like this I feel like drawing. I feel like drawing that place. Where the river flows so calmly. Where the skies are so beautiful you can't help but look up at them and get lost in the beauty. Where nature takes you to a place where everything is green...

That place was where I took Jessica, every time I got he chance to. The same place I lost her... my mom. It hurts... hurts so much cause I never got to say goodbye.

_Art_

My way to express my feeling. Jealous maybe? But why? I don't know Ashley or Spencer so why should I be jealous of them? Why do I get that little feeling of anger every time I see them laughing, smiling, and just being _together_?

Oh! That's right cause I don't have that kind of someone anymore. I sigh, I've been doing that a lot lately. Well at least today is almost over. I need some sleep. If I only I would stop remembering shit. Damn it! Hate remembering all the things my mom told me back then. All the smiles, laughs, and hugs we used to share. She's gone and now I have no one left!

Except him. That devil I call dad. He was great before the accident. It changed him so much. I thought I could help him, get him back to the father I once knew. I was so wrong. Thinking of him makes me remember even more. Especially what mom used to always say...

"**Always **_**Forgive**_**, Aiden, Never **_**Forget**_**."**

**Spencer**

_Can't sleep at all_

Cause every time I close my eyes I see her face. Ashley oh how she reminds me so much of Sally. Her gorgeous eyes, beautiful smile and amazing beauty. I can't believe I feel for someone already and _fast_. I don't want to lose anyone else again. It hurts to much. Pain, the one thing I can't stand but that's what we all get when we all...Love.

Well at least I won't have any nightmares tonight. That's the good thing about not sleeping. I wish I could just lay under the stars with her. One more time. Tell her how much she really meant to me. Tell her it was always her who had my heart, my soul, my love. If only it was me instead of her. Then maybe...just maybe every thing would be Perfect.

_Great_

My time with doc is today. Damn not what I wanted. Well better get this over with. Walk into his small ass office. It's pretty nice actually as color to it, unlike our rooms. "Take a seat Spencer." He says. Well does he think I'm gonna stand through the whole session? Ha ha loser. " Today I want you to talk Spencer." Rolls eyes. " I want you to talk and let it all out." He pauses to look at me before saying, "Talk about Sally."

WTF!! How the hell did he know? How the Fuck did he know? Damn I can't speak...can't breath...okay calm down Spencer you can do this. Go. " Sally was mine. We met a while ago. I'll never forget that day... I was walking my dog, Rover, when he broke loose. I ran after him and I ran into this beautiful girl.

One look in her eyes, _One look _and that's all it took. I was in. She smiled at me and _Oh god_ I felt my heart stop, _**Stop**_**!** It stopped... I take a look at doc, and take a deep breath. Even thinking about her makes me breathless. Okay I go on.. " We were never apart after that day. Always together. She was amazing. I knew I didn't deserve her. She didn't deserve someone like me. She deserved better. Way better. I killed her that night. I made _her_ heart stop.

_**Forever**_."

Omg! Yes chapter 4 is done. Finished! Whooooo. Cheers ha ha so tell me what you think and if I should continue or say bye bye to this story.

Please and thank you to all those who read and all those who review.

-Brokenvoice


	5. Love, Monsters, Hero's, Oh my!

Omg! Do not kill me. I know I haven't updated in like FOREVER, but I have good reasons. School has been hell and so has shit at home. Well anyways I am super sorry I didn't update sooner. So here is chapter 5! Remember review and tell me how I did. Enjoy

Disclaimer: I may not own south of nowhere, but I do own my dreams.

**Bold- Names/ the past**

_Italics- just cause it's cool_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Love, Monster, Hero's, Oh my!**

**Ashley**

_Let me tell you something_

Love, for me, was never real. The people I loved always left, vanished without a trace. I always wonder why they left. My family, my friends, myself. I mean damn I can't even love myself. How low can a girl get? I used to sit around, staring out the window just to watch other kids live their lives.

The live I've always wanted.

Okay back on track here, love was never real because they people I loved always left. But God! Spencer. That girl is something different. She's amazing I have to say. She just...gets me. I can't explain it, you know like how you know the answer to a problem you've never seen before.

Or you seen something in this world of ours so different from what you're use to. The words just don't seem to had up to an explanation.

When I'm around her she makes me feel amazing. It's like it just comes off of her and goes on to me. It's so hard to believe, it's so hard to think it's real...

I've fallen in love with Spencer.

Love. What does it mean? Is it that feeling you get when your near that person? Is it when you can hardly breath? Is love when you found a person that makes your heart skip a beat? Or when your scared of letting that person go?

Is it the reason you can't stop smiling no matter how fucked up your life is?

People always say love is when you know that person can break your heart and yet you trust them not to, but what is love when they have no heart to break?

_I'm glad_

They let us listen to music here. God I would die without my music. No joke. Music is my passion, remember? And right now music is exactly what I need.

Hmm Iris by the goo goo dolls. Damn I love this song, but it brings back so many painful know if I ever get out of here, like if I'm ever normal again, (ha! What this world calls normal anyways) then I would love to become a musician.

I would love to be on stage singing my songs to the world, or perhaps, I would just be a small town musician. Teach music to kids just like me. Yeah give them all my way out. That's what I'll do. If I'm able to. Now if I can just get to sleep...

God! Someone please make the bright light go away! Damn it's morning already. Guess I finally feel asleep. Thank god I needed some sleep. You know, just one step at a time Ashley, one step. It's all I have to figure out everything. To answer all the questions I got.

Like who the hell have I become? I really wish you were here right now Dad. I need you know more then ever. What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I lose her as my friend? I can't handle that. If that happens then what mom said was right...

Love doesn't include me.

* * *

**Aiden**

_The monster_

Is my own father. Sad huh? My father was a great man. He treated all of us like we were the biggest treasures in the world. Like we were the most valuable thing a guy could have. Now he's the _**monster**_. You would call him that to, if you knew. Oh if you just knew you would feel my pain to.

Waking up every morning to the smell of beer in the air. Tripping over beer bottle after beer bottle. Not wanting to call that place home, because of the _**monster**_ that lays inside. Scared to even stay in the _**monsters**_ den, just waiting for him to wake. Wishing he wouldn't wake.

Cause when he did it was worse then hell. It was worse than hell cause you felt it all. Every blow, every punch, every kick. You felt the pain of _**Monster's **_fist collide with your ribs. Felt them snap and break like they were fragile sticks.

You felt the pain of every beer bottle throw at your head, even the ones that missed. Crash into the wall. SMASH! Oh you felt that. You felt the pain of his breath when he screamed right in your face. Felt the stab of each hateful word he used like they were candy at Halloween. Worse of all, worse of all you felt the pain, the horrible heart shattering, bone breaking pain.

Of calling him your _**father.**_

Siting here now, thinking of him, I miss him. I miss the man he was. I miss all the things we did. I miss every moment we shared together. Sometimes I wish I could take them all back. He doesn't deserve to be in all those happy memories! Doesn't deserve the life he has! Doesn't deserve his own son to miss him!

But I do. I miss him. I miss my father. I miss him no matter how much I hate the monster he became. I miss being my father's treasure.

I miss the time before the _**Monster.**_

It's said in the history books that If you look at the earth in an hour, Man (human life) came in the last tenth of a second in that hour. Well for me it feels like I hadn't made it at all. Sometimes I wonder how life would be like if I didn't exist.

If I was never born, everything would be some much better for everyone else. I can just imagine it. A world without Aiden, how nice would that be?

My mom wouldn't be **dead,** wouldn't have gave her life for a worthless son like me.

My Father wouldn't be the _**monster**_ he became, because of his worthless son couldn't save his wife.

And there's Jessica. Oh if I didn't exist, If I was never born then Jessica. My Jessica wouldn't be so...

_**Broken.**_

_Stories_

Mostly of my past, consist of many things. When I was a little kid I did many crazy things kids do. You know make mud pies, play with worms, etc etc. Now as I look back I see growing up went quicker than I imagined.

Well I'm going to see Doc now and you know this time I actually want to see him. I want to get these thoughts out of my head. I want to stop playing them over and over in my head. I want to finally be able to say them out loud and forget the story that keeps playing in my head.

"Hello Aiden, what can I do for you today?" Sighs... I take a seat and look at Doc. Just take a deep long look and you know I stop and wonder what a guy like him is doing in a place like this? I bet he has a nice family, so why is he helping kids who don't want to be helped? Who don't want to live?

"I want to tell you a story, Doc. A story of my past that I hate, but I can't let go of no matter how hard I try." He looks at me and for a second (a split second) it makes me remember the look my father used to give me when I wanted to tell him something that was bothering me. A look that I don't think I've seen before in a while. A look so...Caring.

" Go ahead Aiden, I'm all ears." okay so I take a deep breath. I know I have to do this, not for Mom, not for Dad, and not for Jessica. For myself. Got to do this for myself.

"It was our place. The place where we all went as a family. There was Mom, Dad, Jessica, and me. We love barbecues, long walks, and just the beautiful scenery. Also I loved going to our place because that's when I could draw. I loved to draw our place. It was our own little heaven and I wanted to keep in forever. Well I thought it was heaven until that day. That day of the accident. That day I didn't just lose my mother, or my father, or Jessica. That day I lost our heaven, I lost

Myself.

* * *

**Spencer**

_Shit_

I can't stop thinking about her. I can't. It's like impossible to stop. No matter how badly I just want to turn my brain off I can't stop thinking of her. Ashley. God she's got me wrapped around her finger and she doesn't even know it. The only thing I hate about it, is that it reminds me so much of my time with Sally.

I'm scared. I scared because I'm in love. But what do I do about it? It's not like I can just go tell her, and have a happy ending. It doesn't work like that. Fairy tales are just fairy tales. This is real life and real life doesn't always have a happy ending and trust me I've learned that the hard way.

I would tell her, I would. But I know she doesn't feel the same way. She can't fell the same way, because I always fall for people I don't Deserve...

You know when you where a little kid and you would wish you were superman or some sort of super hero? You would dress up and run around acting like you were that hero. Well I wish it was that easy. I wish I could just tie a sheet or a blanket or a cape around my neck, put on a mask and become a hero.

Why?

Cause for hero's, falling isn't hard. They can just use their super powers to save themselves from a deathly impact. But when your normal, when tying a sheet or blanket or cape around your neck, doesn't make you a super hero how are you going to save yourself from your deathly impact?

That's me. The little kid who wishes she was a hero. I'm falling and fast. So fast that even if I was able to become a hero by tying a sheet or blanket or cape around me neck, it wouldn't be enough to save me from my deathly impact.

Well it's dinner time now. You know what that means good old pills. Yep. But that's not the worse part about it. Dinner means people, people mean Ashley. Ever since we became good friends we've sat together. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Tonight should be no different. Now I really wish I was a super hero.

Cause I can't do it. I can't go over there and sit next to her...so I don't. I end up sitting next to Kayla. And when I look over at Ashley, the look on her face just makes my heart break. Ha you know what I think I am a super hero. I might just be superman Cause Ashley is defiantly my

_**Kryptonite**_.

_Mistakes_

We all make them and we all want to take them back. Like right now. Oh god I could take back what I just did. I knew I should have sat down next to Ashley, but I couldn't. My feet wouldn't let me, no matter how badly I wanted to. I couldn't sit next to her. Sit there laugh and joke as If everything is the same.

When it's not.

Okay dinner is over now and I have to make it up to Ashley. I have to tell her why I didn't sit next to her. Hopefully she'll understand and hopefully I don't lose a friend. I look around for her and find her over by the couch sitting by herself staring at the wall.

Okay I can do this. I have to do this. Damn did I already tell you how badly I wanted to be a super hero?

"Hey" I say as I take a seat next to her on the couch. I know this isn't the time but she just so damn Gorgeous I could just...okay whoa. Mind out of gutter. She doesn't say a word. Okay I deserve that. " Ashley?" Come on just talk to me, please.

She look away from the wall, and her eyes found mine. I saw the most mixed emotion filled eyes ever. God what did I do wrong? " What do you want?" She asked with a...hateful tone? Damn so not what I wanted.

"What's wrong Ashley?" Okay I know what's wrong but I'm just being stupid. What can I say I told you she was my Kryptonite. I can't help but be stupid. She snickers and looks at me fiercely

"Tell my Spencer, why did I end up falling in love with someone who won't ever love me back?"

Oh god I can't breath...She's in love? With who? God I can't even answer her question cause I'm so shocked right now...I have to know... I need to know who...

"Who are you in love with?" I see her take a deep, DEEP breath. She moves closer to me and her mouth gets so close to my ear It sends shivers down my spine...

"You"

* * *

CHYA!!!!! Chapter 5 is now done. Sweet! I'm so proud I finally posted it. Well I thank you all for reading. Please please review and tell me how this chapter went. And if I should keep going or delete this story.

Please and Thank you!

-BrokenVoice


	6. My Addiction if you please

Hahahaha once again please do not kill me or torture me...or do anything to me...  
I know i haven't updated for...a month or so...and I'm sorry!! Lol you can say i had  
things to do or that I'm just plain lazzy. I know I'll promise you all that i will update faster!

I promise...really...i do...

**Bold songs/memories/names/for effect he he**

_Italic my thing_

**Special thanks: To all those who have waited and waited and waited..OK yea you get**

**it...for me to updated! I love you all who review and who read but don't review. lol**

Anyways enjoy!  
-love  
muah!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**My addiction if you please**

**Ashley**

_Pain_

Is gotta be the worst feeling in the world. Out of all the feelings in the world, why do I have to be feeling pain at this moment? What did _I _do so wrong? All I did was fall in love with this one girl and I'm the one who feels the pain.

God damn when they mean life isn't fair, they sure in hell mean it.

Okay so maybe it wasn't the best idea to tell her, but I had to! Come one you know what I mean right? Like  
when there's that chocolate cake sitting on your kitchen counter and you know your not suppose to eat it,but  
it's just so damn tempting you can help it when you hand just _happens _to reach for the goodness.

Ha and then when you eat the cake you should be happy right, cause it's so damn good,but no.  
No, that's not the way it works,kids,life ain't fair so get over it!

Okay sorry I really don't mean to take all my heartache out on you...wait! ha ha your probably really  
confused right now as to why I have heartache right? well yes I did tell her, but my happy ending seems kinda late right now. Hahaha. Just the look on her face said all I needed to know.  
You know those looks you get that you just can't stand to look at,but can't find it in you to turn away?

Well that's the look I got when I told my Spencer...wait no sorry she's not mine...That I love her. How sad.  
So I did the only thing I know how to do in a situation like this...run. I ran so fucking fast my lungs were  
on fire!! **FIRE!!  
**I heard shouts, yells of my name, but I didn't care. Eh..okay okay maybe I did just... a little.

Weather I did or not I kept running. And running and running and running... Till! I got to my safe haven.

The only other thing I love.

That place where the music flows right through me like the wind through your hair on a windy day.  
That place where everything just **disappears **around me and I feel so safe...so alone.  
That place where heartache doesn't happen, or the constant reminder of what I'll never have.  
That place where I just sit and play. Let my fingers graze the guitar and drift away.

That place...is my place.

**And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now**

**And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight**

**And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When every thing's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am**

**And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive**

**And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When every thing's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am**

**I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When every thing's made to be broken**

**I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am**

_People  
_Just never know when someone wants to be alone!! God all I want is peace is that to hard to ask for?  
Great who the fuck is yelling so damn loud?...wait...I know those voices..sounds like Kayla fighting with...Spencer?  
Holy shit this day just keeps getting better and better.

**(bold is for Kyla , **_Italics is for Spencer,_normal for Ashley_)_

**"Just leave her alone!" **

_"I can't I need to talk to her! I want to see if she's okay!"_

**"Oh so now you care? Ha don't make me laugh."**

_"I've always cared! When did I ever stop caring?! Just get the fuck out of my way!"_

God damn if they want to fight why can't they just do it somewhere else and leave me the fuck  
alone...god is that to much to ask for?

"What the fuck is going on here?" I yell causing both Kyla and Spencer to look my way.  
I see Spencer opening her mouth to say something, but Kyla(being Kyla) beats her to the punch.

**"I was trying to tell this...this...Bitch that you want to be alone."**

Shit...so not the right thing so say Kyla...great I'm gonna have to clean up the blood now...

_"Bitch!? Who the fuck do you think you are calling me a Bitch you little slut!" _

Sonofabitch why me?

ha...one second thought Spencer looks really sexy when she's angry...Damn! stop Ashley  
you have no chance...no chance.

**CRASH!!**

OH hell...Kyla you just had to punch her? What in the world possessed you to do that?  
Please I would like to know so I can kill whatever it was...

_"You son of a bitch!"_

Fuck! Cat fight! ha ha...okay not the time for jokes...

Damn Spencer sure knows how to latch onto someone..god damn girl.  
Work out much?

"Just stop!" I yell...At Spencer. Yea yea I know I'm a bitch,but I was still  
heartbroken okay?

"Spencer just...leave me ?"

Oh god how could someone so gorgeous have such sadness filled eyes? And the worst  
part is I was the one that made that sadness. I feel Kyla trying to push past me to get at  
Spencer again. Nope not on my watch.

"Come on Kyla time to go." Okay drama is over...ahhh fucking Kyla just can't keep her mouth shut!

**"Yeah that's right you little bitch. Can't you see Ashley doesn't want someone like you. So just  
leave her alone. She'll never love you back." **

Kyla say what!?

* * *

**Aiden  
**_Lost  
_Is what I became after the accident. It tore me up inside it really did. You know that kinda feeling  
you get when your riding your bike for the first time? Then suddenly you turn to fast or brake to hard  
and just fall off the bike hitting the pavement hard. Well that's how I felt, only worse. It was like I was  
still falling off the bike, in slow motion and I couldn't find the stop button anywhere.

**It was a warm and sunny day. Mom, Dad, Jessica, and me were walking the trail for our daily hike.  
It was a steep walk up the mountain top, but trust me it was way worth it. Once you got up there  
it was just **_**breathtaking. **_**It was so beautiful you could just cry from looking at it. It made you feel  
so alive so whole. The edge was steady enough for you to sit and just stare out into the beauty.**

**This particular day I wanted to sit closer, so I could feel the beauty more than ever before. So  
I went down over the edge. Now before you go jumping to conclusions there was a little ledge  
right below and it looked good enough to sit on. Mom told me not to,but I didn't listen. I wish I did.**

**So down I went,very carefully, perfect! God if you could only imagine what it looks like...it's so...so  
Amazing. I wanted to keep this picture with me forever, so the only way I knew how to do that  
was to draw it. So I got my sketchbook out and my pencil and I begin to recreate the magic that  
was in front of me.**

**What happened next is still a blur to me. I don't know how it happened,but that doesn't matter. I want to know  
why. I felt the ledge give way and heard Jessica scream. I reacted so quickly after that. I grabbed the end  
the edge on hold on for dear life. I hear my dad scream,"hold on Aiden!" panic filled his voice. They lowered  
a rope to pull me up and in that moment I thought I was going to be fine. I thought we would just laugh this  
off later at how close I was to death. We never laughed.**

**The edge just happened to give all of it only the part my mom was standing on. So she flies over and  
I'm so lucky i have cat like reflexes. I grabbed her hand and pain shot through my shoulder. So let's recap:  
I'm hanging on for dear life with one hand on the end of the edge and I'm holding my mom with one hand  
all while dangling over the rushing rapid water below. ha what a movie seen that was. Now just where's  
the part where the director goes cut! and the stunt doubles come in?**

**By now we both realized the rope wasn't going to be able to hold us both for long and my dad and Jessica  
wouldn't be able to pull us up by ourselves. I tried so desperately to pull her up so she could grip the edge  
but no. I was weak. Weak then and weak now. One of us had to let go and when I looked into her eyes I knew  
she knew it to.**

_Strength_

**Was something I didn't have in the moment. I couldn't be the hero. I couldn't save the day.  
And because of that I killed my mom. I killed her that day because I wasn't strong. I wasn't  
Superman.**

**The tears just started flowing. I couldn't stop them and I didn't want to. I told her not to let go,  
I begged her not to let go. I knew it was pointless, but I wanted to say it. I didn't see fear in her  
eyes or sadness. I saw love. So much love it broke my heart. The rope was breaking and we didn't  
have much time left. Ha time. People waste so much of it. **

**Going through everyday with the same old routine like the time they have doesn't matter.  
Trust me it matters. It matters so much and when you  
finally realize it you better hope it's not to late,cause you won't be able to turn back the clock.**

**I still remember her final words. They still ring through my ears like a song on full blast and  
you can't turn the volume down. "Aiden. Tell your father I love him. You grew up so fast and  
become such a wonderful son any women would be honored to have you has their boy. I am  
honored to be your mother. You take care of Jessica and hold her close."**

**She wipe my tears like a mother does when that little kid falls off his bike. She blew me a kiss  
said **_**I love you **_**for the last time and let go...She let go.**

**Fell down into the rushing water.  
That flowed below the mountain tops.  
That Hide the sun and the clouds.  
Down into what I never wanted to forget  
Down into what,just moments ago, I called**

_**Beautiful**_**.**

**Spencer**

_Wind  
_Feels so good on your face when your running. Just feels so cool and different...so at peace?  
But I'll tell you something when your running away, it's like the wind knows. Somehow someway  
it knows and when you feel it on your face you feel the sense of anger. Like it's saying why you running  
away? You're not the one that can't stop? So why you running?

It sounds crazy I know, but maybe I am crazy. I have to admit, it hurt when Ashley took Kyla's side.  
Who does Kyla think she is anyways? oh well. It's not like it matters now.

I was trying to tell Ashley that I felt the same way. The first time I saw her I knew I was going to be...  
Head over Heels for this girl. Who knew it was going to hurt so much. I know what heartbreak feels like  
but this is ten times worse. This time I lost a friend.

A best friend. Guess mom was right, I was never meant to be loved.  
Okay by now my lungs are on fire so I stop running. I don't even know where I'm at.  
Damn this place sure is huge! A lot of space they don't use. Well that's good for me. I need peace.

Too bad I can't just run away from this place, but there's electric fences everywhere you turn.  
I swear it's like a prison and I know what a prison looks like. Well there's a nice shady tree over  
there and no one can find me here anyways...wherever here is.

Damn I wonder how much trouble I'm going to get in. Since I know I won't be going back inside until  
some time after curfew. Eh...who cares? It's not like anyone in there does. Damn people just want the  
money and that's it. Well that's just how life is these days. UN fair.

When did life get so complicated?  
When did it get so confusing you just want to shoot the world for even existing?  
When did these feelings become real?  
When will all this pain and past scars fade?

When did I get so caught up in the wind?

_Poems_  
I like writing them. Everything just makes more sense when there written down on paper.  
Why? I don't know Maybe it's just me that makes more sense. Damn I wish  
I had a piece of paper, so I could write a poem. Oh!Wait I know a poem  
by heart that just fits the way I feel right now. I know it fits because I wrote it and  
who knows me better than me?

**I took a glance your way  
Trying to get you to stay  
I wanted to tell you so bad  
But you always had the uperhand**

**First time I looked into your gorgeous eyes  
I knew,baby I knew, I was hypnotized  
Just looking at you, took my breath away  
So tell me why couldn't you stay?**

**I want you to be mine  
Forever, until the end of time  
Just couldn't get myself to say  
I love you in every way**

**I was scared you wouldn't love me back  
And I didn't want my heart to crack  
So silent is what I stayed  
Which just ending up pushing you away**

**I wish, oh I wish, you could see  
How your eyes sparkle when you look at me  
Your my need, my addiction if you please  
Always needing you close, right besides me**

**Then I just had to push you away  
Saying I was sorry it had to be this way  
I just can't get to close, so I made you bleed  
One day I just hope you'll forgive me**

**Forgive me for being so scared  
Forgive me for making you bleed  
Forgive me for...Forgive me for**

**Breaking my need, my addiction if you please.  
--**

Okay! well I really didn't know how I was going to end Spencer's so I thought ending it with the poem  
worked best. Yes or no? I am really proud of this chapter. I believed I did a pretty good job. I think  
it was my longest. I'm not very fond of Aiden's story but I couldn't think of anything else that worked.  
So tell me if you like please?

The song was Iris by the goo goo dolls  
And the poem is called My addiction by me!  
Please review and give me your honest opinion!  
And also anything you would like to see next?  
Thank to everyone who read i love you all!!

-Love always  
Brokenvoice


	7. Not an updateplease read

Ahhhh I am so sorry! I have a very good reason why I haven't updated in.....a year and 5 months... I do! Ok so the thing is I lost all my papers on this story. I had wrote up to chapter 10 but I lost the papers and so I gave up on the story. BUT I have decided to actually finish it( or try to) if you guys want me to. I have already re-read every chapter and I have some ideas on how I can continue it. So please put in a review if you want me to continue.(just don't yell at me...haha) otherwise I think im just gonna delete this story. I mean south of nowhere is over anyways! *cries*

so I have no idea if people even read those fanfics anymore...I do..haha....so yea! I will continue if you guys want. Again I am so sorry!

-Broken


	8. Life

**Hello fellow readers! I come with a new chapter finally! I finally found out what I'm going to do. I would like to  
thank everyone who reviewed. I love you all!!! I have gone through my other chapters and took care of my mistakes  
(like spelling names wrong....) So it all looks pretty now. I am trying to get a Beta, so please bear with me.**

**Palexiot: Yes, I have to agree with you. I did make them fall in love kinda fast. So to make up for that I have decided to  
do something totally awesome! I'm going to go into everyone's past. This way we get more details. You agree yes?**

**Me4son: Yes. it was such an awful thing of me to leave it like that, but I'm sorry! I am not evil...just mean. haha. **

**And for all those who have reviewed and said they wanted me to continue thank you! This is all for you guys. :D**

**Disclaimer: **

**Me:OMG! I so own South of Nowhere!!  
****Ash: um no, no you don't  
|****Me:but,but..do I at least own you?  
****Spence:Hell no. I do. You own nothing. Well you own a DS with every pokemon game out there, but that just makes  
you a loser. 'evil simle'  
****me: 'sighs' it's true. I'm that lame. Woo I chose you pikachu!**

**Now all lamness aside please, enojoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Life**

**Ashley**

_October 10_ (_Three years ago)_

_"You worthless piece of shit!" **Smash!** " Get the fuck out of my house! Filthy whore!" **Slam!**_

_For as long as I could remember this is how my life has been. Going to school, work, practice, then coming home. It's not really  
my home though. Home is where love and family come together and talk about their day. Home is where the air is so thick with  
love, you end up choking on it. No this isn't home. This is hell. _

_You could say my life used to be happy. Home used to be an actual home and my mother wasn't so...**dead** inside. My father died  
when I was 14. It was a car accident. A drunk driver ran a red light and hit the driver side of my dads car. As you can guess,  
he was driving. He didn't die right then and there. No. He died the next day in the hospital. He had to go hours of pain, rather  
than not feel any at all. The worst thing of all. _

_What still haunts me to this day, is that he didn't die on his own. No. My mother killed him. He was hooked up to all these  
machines and stuff. The doctor said he was in a coma and he would never wake up. But there was always still that possibility  
that he would. But she pulled the cord like it was nothing. No remorse. She didn't even think it over. _

_"Why didn't you let him live!"_

_"You heard the doctor Ashley, he's dead."_

_"There was a chance!"_

_"A chance isn't good enough." and with that I fell to my knees sobbing, while she just walked out_ _like nothing ever happened._

Ever since that day I've come to hate my mother. I didn't give a crap about her and she didn't give a crap about me.  
We weren't a family any more. Blood didn't matter. Nothing did. I was the child who remind her of her dead husband.  
She was the woman who killed my father. We both knew home would never be the same.

My dad was an musician. He played professionally. Had some albums here and there, but he wasn't too big. He liked producing  
his own stuff and really he was never in it for the money. He lived for the music. He was that guy who would sit on the sidewalk  
and just play for the love of it. I wanted to be just like him. He was my hero. When I was 6 I decided I wanted to play too. I wanted  
to sing like he did. So he taught me. By the time I was 9 I started playing on the sidewalks with him. We would spend days and days  
writing songs together that made no sense whatever, but we didn't care.

Cause it was always just me, him, and the music. Forever.

I can't tell you exactly when I became so lost. Empty. Alone. Yea, when dad died I was a wreck, but I kept going cause I knew  
he would want me to. I believe it was a couple months after dad died when I went downhill When I decided even music wasn't  
good enough and pain was the only thing worth living for.

_January 12( 3 months after my dad died)_

_It was an early Saturday morning and outside was beautiful. Clear skies and the perfect weather. It was a perfect day to play my guitar.  
So I got dressed and grab my guitar ready to make my dad proud. _

_"Ashley, where do you think your going?" _

_"I'm going out. I'll be back later." I wasn't planing on sticking around on such a great day, but my mother had other plans._

_"To hell you are. Your staying home today. I have someone I want you to meet. So go put that thing back in your room and get dressed  
in some proper clothes." _

_"I said I'm going ou-" Smackmy mothers hand met my cheek before I had time to react._

_"Go. Now." with a hateful glare I did as I was told. Stupid bitch. Who does she think she is!? Commanding me like some peasant!  
She's no queen! I hate her. Walking down the hall towards the living room I hear voices, _

_"Don't worry John, she'll be fine. Besides it's not like she has a choice."_

_"I know Mary, but this is all so sudden. I don't want her to feel like she hasn't been thought of."_

_" You're so kind John, but this is my decision, not her's."_

_"But Mary-" I decided enough is enough and I make my presence know. I see my mother with this other man, siting on the love seat,  
holding hands?_

_"Ah Ashley, finally you decide to join us. Well let me introduce you. This is John, my new boyfriend-" John clears his throat "  
oh I should say my new fiance. We're getting married."_

The thing I hate about my mother is she doesn't sugar-coat anything. She's straight to the point and she never lies.  
You ask her if these pants make your butt look big she will say yes if she thinks they do. She doesn't care if she hurts  
your feelings or if she makes you cry. She's a tyrant. Her way is law.

In that moment I couldn't even think of this woman as my mother anymore. She was nothing to me. She is nothing to me.  
Life after that started to fade away. I started not caring about anything. Friends. Music. Love. Life. Nothing mattered.  
And I truly believed nothing ever would again.

This all flip-flopped when I met Spencer. She was like the light in all the darkness. I was playing cards with the devil and  
she became my ace. My golden ticket. Everything my mother put me through, everything she said, everything I felt, Spencer  
washed it all away. She grabbed a hold of my heart and opened it. Suddenly things started to matter. Music started to make  
sense again. The words, the meaning made me feel alive again. My father had a saying. And everything he believed in was  
cause of that saying.

_**"Everyone is born into this world with a purpose. Some people waste their life looking for this purpose, when all along  
it's right with you from the start. Your heart is your purpose. Follow it and never second guess what direction it's pointing too."**_

I've finally found my purpose. And I'll be damned if I don't get it.

* * *

**Aiden**

_September 29 ( 2 years ago)_

_When my mom died, my dad died. When my dad died, I died. When I died, Jessica left. We were all on a rollarcoster ride everyday.  
Up and down up and down. She couldn't handle it. It broke my heart when she left it really did. What broke my heart more was I didn't show it. _

_**"**__I can't live like this anymore, Aiden. I love you, but you can't even look at me anymore." tears filled her eyes and I was powerless to stop them.  
" I know ever since your mom died things have been bad, but I can't watch you walk around like a zombie any more. It kills me. I'm leaving, Aiden.  
I'm going to London, with my brother. I don't know when I'll be back or if I ever will. Goodbye Aiden." _

I always question why my life just fell apart. Was it cause I wasn't good enough? Did I not do enough? I questioned why every  
god damn day and I've never found an answer. Personally I don't think there is one. I like to think my name was on a wheel with millions  
of other names and the devil spun it and it landed on my name. And that's why this all happened to me. Everyone always tells you there  
are people out there with worst luck than you do, but I don't think anyone really cares about that.

The world is selfish. No matter what we do or what we say we are selfish. We help people to get a good name for ourselves not  
cause we actually care. When something bad happens to you, nothing else matters except your own pain. Your sorrow. How you  
wish you could just turn back the clock or hit the rewind button. But you can't and that fucking sucks. It's like the hardest video  
game in the world where you get no second lives. You only get yourself and what you got on your back.

I truly loved Jessica. I still do. I was gonna ask her to marry me when we got out of high school. It was my favorite daydream. Our  
perfect little house with kids, all together happy. I still could have had that. But I threw it away. My dad blames me for my moms death.  
I know he does.

_"Your a man, Aiden. So you have to be strong to protect those you love."_ He'd tell me that everyday and I believed him. I know  
I let him down. I let Jessica down. I let myself down. It's my fault my dad turned to beer to try and wash away his memory of my  
mother. All the pictures of her are still hanging up and at night I can hear him crying every time he looks at one. He can't even look  
at me anymore. That hurts, but not as much as the hits do. Every day I get to feel his pain. And everyday I take it and swallow it whole.  
It burns my throat on the way down, but I don't spit it back up. I remember my 7th birthday, it was me, mom, and dad went to the zoo.

_July 17 _

_"Mommy! Mommy! Look it's a bear!" I smiled like crazy at my mother who looked at me with so much love in her eyes. _

_"yes baby, it is." She turns to my father. " Tom, bring the camera over here. Take a picture of me and Aiden with the bear." _

_My father laughing, " You know June, the boys gonna want a pet bear now."_

_"Oh daddy can I have one!?" _

_"No son, those things are to big. Besides he doesn't belong as a pet. He's a wild animal."_

_"Well, if he's wild then why do they have him at a zoo!?"_

_"How else would you be able to see it?"_

We spent the whole day at that zoo. Taking pictures of everything. Laughing and being so happy.

I still have that picture of the bear. I came to see myself as a bear. Someone strong and powerful. I vowed I would always  
protect those I love, like a bear. How stupid was I?

I've come to understand that the choices I've made every since my mom died, she wouldn't be proud of. I was so stupid letting  
Jess leave like that, but I knew I couldn't stop her. Not after what I had done.

_" Ok Aiden. You wanted in, you got in but now you have to do something for us."_

_"Alright. What is it?"_

_"Your gonna set fire to your girls house."_

_"Are you fucking joking!? I can't do that shit man. She's my girl!"_

_"We don't give a shit who she is! Your gonna do it or your out!"_

I ended up doing it. All cause I wanted in. They had a way to help me get rid of the guilt. I never got caught, but I know Jessica  
knows I did it. Yet she gave me another chance. She really did love me and I threw her love away. I let it burn till it was ash that  
blew away with the wind.

I know I've called my dad a monster for what he does to me. The bruises and the blood, but now as I look in the mirror everyday  
I've learned I've got it all wrong. My dad isn't the monster, he never has been. He's the victim seeking justice for what was take away  
from him.

Me. I'm the monster.

* * *

**Spencer**

_April 8( 2 and a half years ago)_

_The day I met Sally was the day I believed in love at first sight. All those times I laughed at sappy movies or romantic novels,  
I now praised them for a brilliant performance. All those fairytale stories I never believed in, that moment my eyes laid on her made  
me wish I would have paid more attention. _

_"Is this your dog?" holy fucking god! Her smile! So beautiful_

_" I-I-uhh-huh?" She laughs and I know in that moment I'm in love._

Me and Sally got close pretty quick. The feelings were hard to control cause the thing was my mom didn't like the fact that  
I was gay. I was a sin in her eyes and blah blah blah. So I never brought sally over to the house. We spent every day together.  
We were attached at the hip...more like lips.

"_Spencer. Why can't I meet your family?"_

_"Come on Sal, we've talked about this. My mom hates me enough for being gay, I'm not gonna put you through that."_

_"I know it's just sometimes I feel like your ashamed of me..."_

_"Baby. Never ever think that. I love you so much. I'm not gonna let my mother try and criticize what we have." _

Sally lived with her dad and her younger brother Clay. They knew she was gay and they were very understanding.  
They loved her for her. When I first meet them I was scared shitless. I'll tell you I think I peed my pants.

"_Spencer, calm down. They're not gonna eat you for dinner." I know I was shaking but I couldn't help it._

_"I know I know, I've just never done this before."_

_"What? Meet a girlfriends parents?"_

_"No, meet my girlfriends parents and actually care what they say." Tears where in her eyes and __for a second I thought  
I said something wrong. But then she smiled that beautiful smile and gave me the most amazing kiss ever. _

In the end they loved me. Said I was welcome anytime in their home. I was family now. I had this feeling that I finally found the one  
I was meant to be with forever. To bad life had other plans.

_April 8 (a year later)_

_Today was our one year of being together. It was the best year of my life and I couldn't wait for more. I decided to take Sally to  
the same place I took her for her birthday. The same place I gave her that necklace she wears everyday. I showed up at your house at 8.  
She was wearing this beautiful blue dress that brought out her eyes. I believe in that moment I feel in love all over again._

_" Spencer, stop drooling and take me to the car." I laughed and did as command. The ride to the restaurant was peaceful. The car was full of  
love and happiness I always didn't want to get out. Dinner went smoothly. It was time to leave. We decided to give our presents at her house.  
As we were walking back to our car, the worst moment of my life happened. _

_One guy jumped out at us. He had a gun. Everything happened so fast. All I remember was " your going to hell, sinners" and then a gunshot.  
Sally fell in my arms so fast the sudden weight took me down. Blood was everywhere and I couldn't stop it. She kept trying to speak,  
but I wouldn't let her. Some people heard the shot and called an ambulance. She laid there dying in my arms, smiling. She was _**_smiling.  
_**_ Right before they placed her in the ambulance she mouthed I love you. _

Sally died later that night. She lost to much blood. I still have that scene playing in my head everyday. I never got to say  
I love you too. Her dad never blamed me, but I did. He gave me the necklace, saying she would have wanted me to have it.  
I haven't seen him or Clay since then. I know somewhere deep inside it wasn't my fault. We were at the wrong place at the wrong time,  
but I can't help but blame myself. I should have protected her. It was my duty.

Life is an unexpected thing. Seconds are what matter most. People need to open their eyes and start paying attention,  
cause a second is all it takes for everything they live for to vanish. Time is the most important thing in the world and you can't  
afford to miss any of it. I've decided ever since Sally died I would never fall in love again. Once again Life has other plans.

Ashley is like no other I've met before. Just seeing her takes away the empty feeling I've had for years now. I know  
I want this feeling to stay. I can't help but be scared. I can't help but to feel fear. But I want this. I want her. I want love again.

_**Please just don't play with me  
**__**My paper heart will bleed  
**__**This wait for destiny won't do  
**__**Be with me please I beseech you  
**__**Simple things, that make you run away  
**__**Catch you if I can**_

_**Tears fall, down your face  
**__**The taste, is something new  
**__**Something that  
**__**I know moving on is,  
**__**Easiest when I am around you.  
**_

_**So bottle up old love,  
**__**And throw it out to sea,  
**__**Watch I away as you cry  
**__**A year as passed  
**__**The seasons go**_

_**Please just don't play with me  
**__**My paper heart will bleed  
**__**This wait for destiny won't do  
**__**Be with me please I beseech you  
**__**Simple things, that make you run away  
**__**Catch you if I can**_

_**Waiting, day to day It goes through  
**__**My lips, are sealed for her  
**__**My tongue is,  
**__**Tied to , a dream of being with you  
**__**To settle for less, is not what I prefer**_

_**So bottle up old love,  
**__**And throw it out to sea,  
**__**Watch I away as you cry  
**__**A year as passed  
**__**The seasons go**_

_**Please just don't play with me  
**__**My paper heart will bleed  
**__**This wait for destiny won't do  
**__**Be with me please I beseech you  
**__**Simple things, that make you run away  
**__**Catch you if I can**_

_**Summer time, the nights they are so long  
**__**The leaves fall down,  
**__**and so do I into the arms of a friend  
**__**Winter nights  
**__**My beside is cold, for I am gone  
**__**And spring blossoms you to me**_

_**Summer time, the nights they are so long  
**__**The leaves fall down,  
**__**and so do I into the arms of a friend  
**__**Winter nights  
**__**My beside is cold, for I am gone  
**__**And spring blossoms you to me**_

* * *

Yes!!! Chapter 8 done. I swear you guys better love me, I stayed up late to write this. I am tired and I still have homework to do.  
Haha Well please please please tell me if you like it. I believe this is the longest chapter. (I don't even know where it all came from!)  
oh and the song at the end is called Paper Heart by All American Rejects. I do not own it. Lol. Ok I hope no one got confused  
about this chapter. All the italics was the past and the way it happened. The regular text was each person talking about the event.  
I hope that makes sense. Thank you all for reading! I love you all! Until next chapter!

-Brokenvoice


	9. Beginning and an End

A.N.: Man I haven't updated this in a while. Truth be told I kind of put it aside cause I had major writers block. Anyways I know it's been a while ( and I don't know if anyone is still reading this) but I've decided to finish the story completely. I'm thinking 1 or 2 more chapters. I haven't completely decided yet. I'm working on another story right now, but I can do both at once.

Disclaimer: Although I am still sad South of Nowhere is over ( I blame my ex for getting me into it) I still miss it and re-read old stories. I don't own anything that has to do with south of nowhere. One day I will! Muhaahaha -cough cough-

Please Enjoy

* * *

Beginning and an End

_Love. Love. Love. What have you done to me? Why did you take me from my home and throw me into the sea? Love. Love. Love. What if I told you I cant swim? Would you let me drown or would you throw me a line and pull me in? Love. Love. Love. Why do you burn my skin? Make my body sizzle and bleed. Love. Love. Love. Will you ever put me out? Will you ever dowse my flame? Or will you let me burn and burn as I scream in pain. Love. Love. Love. I've searched the world to find you again. I've been to the darkness. I've wrestled my demons. Then dawn finally came and light returned to my eyes. Love. Love. Love. Will you leave me, like you did before. Will you watch me drown in my sea of sorrow. Love. Love. Love. Don't let me die again. Cause this time my demons that lie in the darkness will win. _

Ashley

I've never been one for second chances. But things change. People change. Over time a rabbit who was once the prey becomes the hunter. The fox who was the hunter becomes the prey. The sun comes out from the clouds. The flowers bloom. People smile.

It's time to forget the past. Let go of the pain I've kept lock inside of my heart. It's time to forgive myself for my fathers death. It's time to pick up where I once got lost and find my way home again. It's time to live.

I've spent a long time, to long, dancing with the devil. Playing with God, and testing my limits. Playing with fire isn't for me anymore. No. cause I've found what people search for. What people, people like me, end up here for. In this place. The place we go when we can't find any reason to live anymore.

Heaven Springs.

The place I wouldn't have given a chance if it wasn't for Spencer. She became my future. She became my reason. My voice. My heart.

My love.

It's because of this wonderful amazing girl, who's been broken just like me, to help me realize anything that's broken can be fixed. You just have to stand the battle. Make yourself believe you can be whole once again.

It's true, you can't erase the past. You can't hide the pain. Keep it bottled inside like a token. A token that was never yours to keep. You can't turn back the clock. But you can be there to see it go forward. You can be there and watch time fly and love every second of it. You can say I'm alive and I'm okay.

I'm alive and I'm okay.

_**I am alive. I am okay.**_

It's been a long process, coming to this moment. The moment where I will be set free. Free of this place. Free of my pain. Free of my past.

And filled with love. Love that will never die, no matter what happens. Love that I will hold on to. Love that I will protect. Love that will be forever mine to cherish. Love that I will go to the ends of hell to be with and back again.

I see you now, I feel you now, my love. I see your smiling face and it feels me. It completes me. It has erased my darkness that's covered my heart and suspended me in an endless twilight. You've broken the spell, my love. You've awoken sleeping beauty.

For the rest of our life's my love. For the rest of eternity I will be by your side. I love you. I love you in ways I cannot put into words. Forever I am yours.

_I do not fear death. I do not fear darkness. I do not fear my demons anymore. My love I will thank you with a thousand kisses each and everyday. I will hold you at night and embrace the warmth your body provides mine. Forever can come, my love, and I will look at it with happy eyes. I will look at in with love and embrace it with tears. Forever my love. Forever we will share._

* * *

_Mr. Guilt you can go away now. I wash these dirty hands you have tainted. I wash away my sorrow that's filled my heart. That's tore me apart from those who care. Mr. Guilt you can't have my heart anymore. I've broken your chains. I've found the key. I will never look back, Mr. Guilt. You will never control me again. I've had enough and I'm done. I shall no longer be the bird in the cage. I will sore in the sky. Mr. Guilt I will touch the clouds. I will feel the rain wash my face. I will dance with joy Mr. Guilt. I will sing till my lungs are raw and then I'll sing so more. I'll laugh at the littlest things and I'll swim with glee. I've beaten you Mr. Guilt. I've beaten you with love. Love has set me free. Free of these iron bars you've place me in. Free of this pain that lies within my chest. Free of the blood that stained my hands. Free to live again._

Spencer

My dear Sally,

I understand now. I understand why you smiled for no reason. I understand why even on rainy days you would dance in the street. Why you would cry tears of joy when we weren't even watching a sappy movie.

I understand.

I understand how you flew on air. How you were able to laugh when you were mad. I understand why you'd just stare at me. Why you would tell me I was beautiful even when I looked like hell. I understand why your heart beat so fast every time I laughed. I understand how you would always say dreams, no matter how crazy, would always come true. I understand why I love you wasn't just words for you. How they made you feel. How your heart went thump thump thump when we kissed.

I understand.

I understand what it means to let go. To just let the wind blow and not fight it. To be one with it. I understand why you'd call me seconds after I left and say you miss me already. I understand why you'd stay up and just watch me sleep. Why tears would run down your face and you'd just smile. Smile even though it hurt your cheeks. I understand why you held my hand everywhere we went. And when we were apart how'd you call me every minute.

I understand.

I understand why you smiled while you laid in my arms dying. I understand why you were at peace. I understand you knew you were already gone, but you still smiled like it was any other day. I understand why you had to let me know, before you left, that you loved me. Loved me even after death.

I understand now. What love is. What you were feeling everyday. I understand Sally, my love, that you've never left me. You've been here all along, here in my heart. Praying I'd understand and accept what the world brings. I understand I knew all along, but I was blind. My dear sally, oh how I still wish you could be here. How I wish I could still hold your hand or see you smile. But I understand. I still see it. I see it through Ashley. I feel it in my heart.

I understand my love for you will never die, even though you already have. I understand I never had to carry your blood on my hands. I never had to suffer to be free. My dear Sally, I understand now that this is goodbye. I'm free now. Free to love again. I'll never forget you my love. I'll always remember. The necklace, it will forever be close to my heart. You will forever be with me. I love you. Goodbye my love. May you be free.

_Goodbye isn't the end. It's a new beginning. I'm setting you free my love. Giving you a chance to float on above. Above to a place they call heaven. A wonderful place I've heard. But I can't go with you my love. I can't go cause I've found my own heaven. She's my light. My soul. My everything. Be at peace my love, I will keep you near. You will be in my heart forever. Cause your love dangles on a chain. A chain that I'm never taking off. Don't cry for me anymore my love. I'm strong now. Goodbye isn't the end. And I love you is just the start. _

* * *

_I've been knocking on deaths door far to long. It's time I've opened it myself. I cannot control the monster I've become. I cannot control the darkness that's covered my heart. Death is my only friend. It will save me from myself. I shall be set free. Free of this world. Free of this monster. Free of the lives I have destroyed. Free of the pain I have felt. I shall be free. So death take me now. Take me and never let me go._

Aiden

There's nothing left for me now. I've become a ghost of my former self. I cannot see myself in a mirror anymore. For what I see isn't me.

It's this monster I've become.

I can no longer live in this world. Spending day after day locked inside my head. No one has ever heard my scream. No one will ever miss me.

Before I go there are two people I must show. I must show them what's become of me. I must tell them I'm sorry. Sorry for being me.

To Jessica. May you found another love. A love that will never let you down. A love that will hold you forever and never let go. Oh Jessica how I've longed to see you. To say the words I should have said all those years ago. I couldn't look at you anymore, because all I saw was me. All I saw was the love I felt I didn't deserve. May you grow old someday. Grow old with your love and smile even when it rains.

To my father. I'd like to say you killed me, but then I'd just be putting the blame on you. I know how much you loved mom. I know she was your world. I know I destroyed your world. So I'm doing you a favor. I'm fixing a mistake I made years ago. I don't know if I ever told you, what she said to me before she died. She said she loves you. She's always going to love you. I'm sorry I took away your love daddy. I'm sorry I killed you world. I'm sorry I stab your heart and drowned you in a sea of sorrow and emptiness. I hope you can look at her picture one day and not cry. I hope you'll be able to remember her love.

I'm falling now. Falling to my death. I can feel the wind tickle my cheek and I can actually smile for once in so many years. I'm ending the monster that's taken control. My death will be instant, this I know. I can see it now. The light that leads me to my mother. I see her now. Her face is covered in tears. I'm coming mommy. I've finally found you again.

I've finally found the strength I lost long ago.

_I do not fear death. I've embraced it. As I fall down, down to the valley below, I'll smile and I'll sing. _

_Death death you've become my best friend_

_You've killed the monster I've become_

_Death death you we're always my end_

_You've be my light all along_

_Death death open your arms for me_

_Cause here I fall. _

* * *

_**You never know**_

_**Who:**_

_**You truly are **_

_**On the inside. **_

_**Buried underneath **_

_**Everyone and Everything.**_

_**Where:**_

_**You'll be tomorrow.**_

_**Still searching for those answers.**_

_**The ones that never come.**_

_**How:**_

_**You'll get through the pain.**_

_**Fighting the world **_

_**A losing battle. **_

_**What:**_

_**Promises you've broken**_

_**People you've destroyed**_

_**Lies you let slip from your tongue**_

_**Why: **_

_**You've ever cut so **_

_**DEEP**_

* * *

A.N. : Well there you have it. The end of the story. I might do an epilogue just to sum things up a bit. Maybe not. It's been fun writing this story and I'm glad to say I've completed it. I don't believe I mentioned it (I swear I meant to) this story is based off the book Impulse by Ellen Hopkins.

For all of you who've read this and reviewed thanks. :]

-Broken


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